Blankets for My Boys

Over the past several months I have been working on making blankets for my boys.  For Benjamin, I wanted to make a quilt for his toddler bed.  My budget was pretty limited since we have lots of other money-guzzling projects and medical bills, so I tried to be creative with what I had.  I went to my quilting stash of pieces from various projects and was able to find enough for the squares and even the backing, so my only expenses were the sashing and batting.  After hours of piecing it together and even more hours of doing the hand-quilting, I finally finished this project about a week ago.  I was pretty pleased with how it turned out, especially since it was made with scraps.

Last week I finally pulled out the material I bought back in May to make our baby boy a blanket.  About 3 years ago I started making blankets as my signature gift for baby showers for the ladies at church.  They consist of 5-6 different fabrics of a mixture of satin, flannel, and cotton with a fuzzy fleece backing.  I have fun trying to tailor the blanket to the baby/mom as best as I can.  This blanket is my 9th one (yes, we have had quite the baby boom at church in recent years), so I was able to finish it in just a few evenings.

Reflections

I have officially been bit by the nesting bug.  Collecting items for baby, buying things like diapers, pacifiers, a special coming home outfit and blanket, a baby book, making a blanket, preparing Benjamin, and working on a bag to take to the hospital.  Yesterday, as I drove home from yet another appointment, I had a strange realization.  I am so excited to hold my baby boy.  Sounds strange, huh?

When Benjamin was born it took me a while before I realized that though he survived and was well, which I still praise God for on a regular basis, I went through a grieving process.  I had my little boy, but I mourned the loss of the "normal" experience I expected...a tough labor/c-section resulting in a baby being placed in my arms, staring down at a chubby, wrinkly, 9 lb boy (there is a history of high birth weights in my family), and taking him home a few days later.  I recall sitting in the cafeteria of the hospital during his NICU stay when a birthing class came in for a lunch break.  I ached with envy as I realized those women would likely deliver full-term babies.  They would get to take them home soon after they were born.  Their children would not be followed by half a dozen specialists, nor would not need multiple surgeries.  They would just get to be moms of typical babies.

A natural instinct against pain is self-defense.  If someone breaks your heart, you learn and guard it more carefully next time.  If you don't allow yourself to feel something completely, then it doesn't hurt as bad if things go wrong, right?  I think the same thing has happened in this situation.  I have loved this baby since I knew he was on the way, but a part of me has held back.  I didn't want to grieve the experience again.  By doing this, however, I now realize I have robbed myself of so much.  How much joy have I exchanged for the hope of protection against more hurt?  When Benjamin was at one of his worst points after his first surgery, when we were not sure if he would make it or not, our good friend and pastor Zach, gave us words that I will never forget.  He told us to basically savor every moment with Benjamin - really enjoy him, because we don't ever know when it will be the last.  This was not coming out of fear, but out of purely loving and enjoying the time that God has given us with him, whether it be 3 days or 75 years.  Maybe this is what Jesus meant when He said not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.

As for me, I still get concerned about this little guy, but I am allowing myself to fully love him, enjoy each kick, and daydream about a chubby little boy being placed directly in my arms, being slightly nervous about taking him home a few days after he is born.  Also, knowing that if anything else should happen, I can once again lean on the shoulders of a very big God who heals hurts and mends broken hearts.

Summer Fun

Summer is flying by so fast, I can't believe that July is already over half gone.  We have been working on many projects this year and never seem to have enough time.  Our garage has its foundation and walls up, with a few trusses in place.  The irrigation system is in and working and the garden is growing fast.  The back fence is almost done with just a few boards that need some work before they can be put up.  Our new grass is growing beautifully in the back and now Benjamin can finally play on it.  Here is a picture from several weeks ago.

Last weekend we took a break from our projects and went to the beach with Brian's family for a few nights.  It was really nice to get away and relax.  The weather wasn't so good, but the house we stayed in had a gorgeous view of the ocean.  We did get some beach time for Benjamin to play in the sand.  As much fun as it was to get away, it was good to come home too.  There is nothing quite as wonderful as my own bed. :)

Here is a picture of Benjamin getting his legs buried by Uncle Bobo.

We stopped by a taffy shop just for fun and they gave Benjamin a piece of his first taffy (he is holding it if you look close.)

Benjamin is doing great.  He keeps me on my toes and does new things every day.  He is starting to say more words like baby, hat, eye, Amy (his cousin), me, more, and a few others.  He also can sign "help" now too.  This week we started going to Speech Therapy weekly instead of every other week, so I am hoping we will continue to see improvements.  We are also praying for Benjamin's ears.  He hears well, but does have negative pressure behind his ears.  This seems to be minor, but we have to give him a steroid nasal spray that will hopefully open up the tubes in his ears to help fluid drain.  We go back in 5 weeks to check his ears again.  If there is still negative pressure behind his ears he will need to have tubes put in.  That is a simple outpatient procedure, but I would rather not do it if possible.